[Mitch]

 These notes left for milkmen came from the UK, so you'll notice a
slight, endearing British ambience to them.
 
"Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one."
 
"Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk."
 
"Cancel one pint after the day after today."
 
"Please don't leave any more milk.  All they do is drink it"
 
"Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking
the tops off the milk."
 
"Milkman.  please could I have a loaf but not bread today."
 
"Please cancel milk.  I have nothing coming into the house but two sons
on the dole."
 
"Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and
I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks."
 
"Sorry about yesterdays note.  I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints,
but the other way round."
 
"When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I
want you 'to give me a hand to turn the mattress.
 
"Please knock.  My TV's broken down and I missed last nights Coronation
Street.  If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of
tea."
 
"My daughter says she wants a milkshake.  Do you do it before you
deliver or do I have to shake the bottle."
 
"Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old
and did not know about it until a neighbour told me."
 
"Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant."
 
"Milk is needed for the baby.  Father is unable to supply it."
 
"From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the
days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any
milk."
 
"My back door is open.  Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup
in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to
play bingo tonight."
 
"Please leave no milk today.  When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I
wrote this note yesterday."
 
"When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out
and put newspaper inside the screen door.  PS.  Don't leave any milk.
 
"No milk.  Please do not leave milk at No.  14 either as he is dead
until further notice."