[mir]

Read this article:
http://www.blackwell-synergy.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.2007.0030-1299.15674.x?cookieSet=1&journalCode=oik

doi:10.1111/j.2007.0030-1299.15674.x

Abstract:

Although scientists typically insist that their research is very exciting and adventurous when they talk to laymen and prospective students, the allure of this enthusiasm is too often lost in the predictable, stilted structure and language of their scientific publications. I present here, a top-10 list of recommendations for how to write consistently boring scientific publications. I then discuss why we should and how we could make these contributions more accessible and exciting.

Or read this article:
How to Make a Scientific Lecture Unbearable
by Alexander Kohn
http://www.improbable.com/news/2003/mar/unbearable_lecture.html

[pantone159]

For another effective method of keeping potential readers from your work, one can try making readers pay $39 to access the paper, of course for such a bargin price they can only have it for 30 days.   

[Donaldson Tan]

Haha.. I can't believe it was published on an actual research journal.

[Mitch]

Publishers have a sense of humor too.