[Mitch]

 DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
 
40-ish.......49
Adventurous.. Slept with everyone
Athletic.... No *(#$
Average looking..... Ugly
Beautiful.... Pathological liar
Contagious Smile... Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure... On medication
Feminist.... Fat
Free spirit..... Junkie
Friendship first... Former slut
Fun.... Annoying
New-Age.... Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned... No BJs
Open-minded... Desperate
Outgoing... Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate.... Sloppy d runk
Professional..... b$*%(
Voluptuous..... Very Fat
Large frame... Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate.... Stalker
 
WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think
about?
 
MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

[Tiger]

Boy oh boy....

[ATMyller]

Great cook ... previous husband died because of food poisoning.