but I dont think that this is a MAIN case with electron donation or withdrawing.
I agree, but will modify your reasoning slightly. It's not so much the bond formation that explains the reason cyanide works so well. It is a mixture of leaving group ability and anion stability as mentioned above.
I think the most important role of the cyanide is to provide stability to make the proton that was originally the aldehyde proton in the starting material acidic. In theory, if you could just deprotonate that aldehyde proton, the reaction would take place without the need for cyanide, and any base would work. But the aldehyde proton is not acidic. Removing that proton would put a full negative charge on the carbonyl carbon. Carbonyl carbon atoms have a partial positive charge as a result of the charge-separated resonance structure that can be drawn for the carbonyl group. Because the carbonyl carbon atom is so typically electropositive (it has a partial positive charge), the carbonyl carbon atom is rarely thought of as nucleophilic.
The cyanide is used to allow the carbonyl carbon to be nucleophilic. It adds to the carbonyl carbon to form a cyanohydrin. The proton that used to be the aldehyde proton (now the alpha proton of the cyano group) is now acidic, due to the resonance stability of the anion which results from deprotonation. The proton can be removed and the carbanion is nucleophilic and can participate in the benzoin reaction. The ability to turn an atom with a partial positive charge into a nucleophile is call umpolung - polarity reversal (
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Umpolung).
That the cyano group is also a good leaving group after the reaction is complete is the driving force behind using it (as opposed to something else that turns carbonyl groups umpolung) in this reaction. That cyanide can kill you is probably the driving force behind using thiamine (vitamin B1) instead.
Umpolung is the key here.