It's quite hard for me to approach this problem, since I don't know anything about the 'objects' themselves.
-If you put your sample into a beaker of acetonitrile (10ml) stirr, all the water dissolves and distributes evenly. Then, maybe you could use Karl-Fischer water titration test to quantify it? You put a known amount of liquid into the sampler and get your water content-hence concentration of water in solvent. Would have to check how wet acetonitrile is wet to start with and how quick does it absorb moisture from the air. If not, then use mass: maybe oven--desiccator--vacuum or microwave drying?
-I'm not sure about the spots. Would making a table of, for example: average number of spots A per 1mm^2 etc... be any useful? That would probably introduce a substantial amount of error though. Size of the spots could be important as well, patterns, shapes.
-Filming...well, it again largely depends what the object is made of, how thick the film would be, what it's made from. Really not sure how could you quantify here.
Don't know if these are 'tangible laboratory solutions', but anyway
Good luck!