The idea of the hydrogen of water containing the burden of potential seems logical to me. With this assumption a new branch of chemistry emerges, with profound implications. What I need is a solid basis for why this is so. So I will try again. Electrons in orbitals are more than just charge, they are charge in motion. A charge in motion will give off a magnetic field. This is why electrons in orbitals need to have opposite spin. This will allow the magnetics fields to attract so the electrons can overcome some of the charge repulsion. If you alter the magnetic field direction (change the electron spin of one of the electrons) the charges and the two magnetic field will both repel, kicking one of the electrons into a higher energy level.
If you look at an atom, not only are the magnetic fields of electron pairs attracting in each orbital (opposite spin), but all the electron magnetic fields in all the orbitals are also attracting with respect to each other. If we could just shut off the magnetic attraction between the electrons, the atom would puff out. It is very likely the orbitals, as we know them would also change, more in line with S type orbitals (Bohr atom) with all the electrons trying to get as far away from each other as possible due to mutual repulsion. It is the magnetic fields, all attracting together, which gives up the characteristic shapes of the orbitals, which helps confine the electrons in much smaller space.
When a chemist thinks in terms of a dipole, he or she often thinks in terms of charge, with opposite charges attracting. They are essentially treating the molecular dipole like the magnetic attraction has no importance. But the reality is, a molecular dipole is not just a charge potential but it also has a connection to magnetic addition and subtraction. This magnetic connection is the fundamental basis for electronegativity with more electronegative atoms better able to take advantage of better magnetic attraction. Less electronegative atoms show less magnetic attraction and some even show magnetic repulsion. For example, if you look at Cl-, if only charge was important, this charge imbalance should not occur, since there are too many negative charges. But if you add magnetic attraction, the Cl- overcomes the repulsion created by the extra negative charge, with a little extra to spare.
In the case of the dipole in a molecule of water there is indeed a charge dipole. But that is not the whole story. To get the dipole potential distribution, one needs to add the magnetic potentials within each side of the dipole. The oxygen is able to generate greater magnetic addition by accepting the extra electron density, i.e., magnetic power of the octet. If only charge was important, it would have too much negative charge and would be unstable. But this extra charge potential gives it a magnetic advantage that allows it to overcome the extra charge potential. Whether this is a wash or not, the net affect is the overall potential due to the charge plus the charge in motion, counterbalances. The hydrogen loses some magnetic advantage, so it has a full charge potential with less magnetic stabilization. The net affect is the hydrogen is at higher overalll potential.
P orbitals in atoms create the most magnetic advantage. This is why the most electronegative elements are connected to outer P orbitals. The reason this is so is connected to their 3-D shape in x,y,and z. If you apply the right hand rule for magnetism; current direction, magnetic field direction and attractive force direction, also occur in x,y,z, for each of the x,y,z p-orbitals.The result is a 3-D attraction of all the magnetic fields; perfect. The S, D and F don't have perfect magnetic addition, with the result such atoms are less electronegative. The hybrid orbitals distort magnetic perfection but still allow the oxygen to gain more from magnetic addition than hydrogen. But this imperfection is what makes O susceptable to the H in its attempt to lower its potential.