The Over Achiever - We all know this one.
The Comedian - One of these in every class; some good, some bad. If you're lucky, you'll get the good kind. If you have no such good fortune, you'll get a guy who badly copies Letterman one-liners and of course, asks terrible jokes of his 'own', ala: "Ever notice how Greenland is icy and Iceland is green?" Terrible, terrible, terrible.
The Girl With the Weird Name - Ya know this one.. first day of class, professor is calling roll.. he says "Z-.." and looks up with a puzzled expression, and some girl red in the face says, "Zaprena", or something to that effect.
The Gothic - Wears a black trenchcoat, has black hair, paints his fingernails black. You'd think he wants to be black, but really he just wants to be dead!
The Quiet Girl - Never talks, probably masquerades as a superhero on weekends.
The Guy on the Cell Phone - Self Explanatory, frequents all walks of life.
The Challenger - Challenges every point made in class. Just like the doomed space shuttle, when something goes wrong, he blows up.
The Feminazi - Hates men, Advocate for female equality.
The Born Again and Again and Again Christian - Can be male or female. Stands outside right before every class passing out fliers for his or her religious student center. Makes stance on Abortion, the Vatican, and the rival denomination known. The fliers make good paper airplanes, but that just doesn't seem to impress chicks at the college level.
The Really Nice Guy/Girl - Patient, tolerant, open, sympathetic and friendly, this guy/girl seems to have the saintly qualities of Mother Teresa. Available to talk at any time, about anything, they are incapable of anger or frustration, to the point that their warmth and patience seem over-done. At times they can seem to be "too perfect", but you can't help admire the effort they make for others.
The Environmental Protestor - Global warming, saving whales, caging animals, keeping the world "green", globalisation. An environmental fanatic, this vegan has been to every protest held within the last ten years. Their stationery is covered with the classic "Meat is MURDER", "No More Nukes", "Greenpeace" and "Free Mother Earth" stickers. They converse mainly with like-minded types, and mostly about "the rape of the planet". More than likely, this individual will own and use a motor vehicle and shop at multinationally owned stores, and will preach their green gospel to anyone who'll give them the time of day.
The Under Achiever - Gotta love this one. Just sits in the very VERY back of the class and appears to be zoned out the whole time.
The Apathetic Upperclassmen - Usually come in pairs, two seniors or juniors who just want to pass with a D and proceed to cut up for a large amount of the class.
The Horny Boyfriend/Girlfriend Pair - These two sit together, usually with the guy right behind the girl, and the guy proceeds to poke and tickle the girl during the whole class.
The Intruder - The guy that sits next to the Boyfriend/Girlfriend Pair and attempts to get in on the action. This guy's usually a loser.
The Zealot - This guy has an intellectual orgasm everytime he catches the professor in a slight mistake. Takes the class way too seriously; as if he'll get crucified if he doesn't get an A. Thinks he's a Chemical Engineer in 4300 Calculus when he's probably a Communication major and he's in freshman level math.
The Homosexual - Simple enough.. but there are two kinds. One keeps to himself, the other attempts to use the class as a platform to propagate his homosexuality and such.
The Lesbian - Same as #17, but 'herself' and 'her' for 'himself' and 'his'.
The Lesbian Couple - Every guy's dream.
The Homosexual Couple - Every guy's nightmare.
The Future Attorney - Argues every point made in class to the point where everyone starts throwing books at him.
The Addict - Starts fiending and shaking, usually for cigarettes but sometimes for harder drugs, halfway through class.
The Retro Jock - This guy wears his letterjacket from high school football to class everyday, even in 90 Degree Weather; can't seem to let go of high school.
Theater Queen - Aspires to be on Broadway someday; Auditions for every school play and lands every lead role but never realizes there's no one in the audience. Speaks in a melodramtic, emphatic voice, hoping a Theater King (Who doesn't exist) will notice her.
The Beauty Queen - Walks, talks, acts, and dresses like a slut, without concern for rain nor temperature. Can be cool in winter weather because the cold makes the nipples stand at attention. Not that I notice that or anything though.
The Guy Who Just Woke Up and Rolled Out of Bed - Shows up 5 minutes late to class in the clothes he wore last night. Sleeps through the class.
Annoying Older-Than-Average Student - There is always some 50+ year old person who comes to class with either a briefcase or a some sort of macrom`ed bag, is ultra-organized, brings a casette recorder to lectures, and feels a sense of equality with the instructor because of their closeness in age. This person tends to think that each lecture is his or her own conversation with the instructor and robs the other students of their time and tuition money.
The guy who shoots down everyone's ideas just because he knows that when people have confidence in themselves, they start making their shitty ideas known more often.
The Cro-Magnon Guy - This guy stopped caring about what people thought of him a LONG time ago. Dressing in whatever clothes are closest at hand, this character will wander the campus between classes, repelling at close range with his grimy, unwashed stench and lice-ridden hair, while revolting at a distance with antics that closely resemble the preening activities of primates.
The Creepy, Clinging Guy - This guy has always struggled for friends in spite of his endless efforts to make them. Any notice you take of him is something he gladly looks for, and if you show even the slightest recognition of his presence, you will automatically be identified as a friend, with a view to being a best friend. He exudes a "creepiness" which seems to come from the sheer desperation with which he undertakes to find a friend who'll abide his "clingy" nature.
The Guy You Love To Hate - There doesn't seem to be any identifiable reason why you dislike this guy, but he seems to possess an aura, a quality about himself that you can't stand. Despite your efforts to rationalize your dislike this guy, and a brief attempt to even LIKE him, you find yourself repulsed by some unseen force. This guy is mocked and teased by everyone, a pariah that you pity, but only from a distance.
The Debater - This character is annoying at best. They will involve themselves in an argument with anyone about anything until they feel they've either won a point, or until their opposition concedes, either out of boredom or yield to their undying argumentative energy. There is no topic/theme too small for a debate. In fact, the more pedantic the debate, the more tenacity with which they put forth their point of view. Tend to befriend like-minded debaters and spend much of their time arguing about the most childish of things. These characters tend to excel at public speaking and drama.
Attention whores - They're one of the few cases in which the male version is worse than the female.
On Edge Dude - This is the dude that always comes racing into class just as it's about to begin, sweating like he's just run a freakin marathon. He sits through the whole class with one leg bobbing up and down like he can't wait for class to be over with. He bolts right as class ends. On Edge Dude is the guy who is always described by others like this: "I don't know anything about that guy, but he's really wierd". On Edge Dude seems like a serial murderer waiting to happen.
The Old Dude - The old dudes always struggle because after years of working in a factory, they want to go back to college to get the degree again. They always talk to people like they know what they're saying, but they don't since they haven't had any use for school work in 25 years. They either try to become friends with the teacher or hit on the ugly chick that no one else is desperate enough to hit on.
Stress Girl - Ya know this kind.. Overstresses on every paltry assignment to the point of insanity.
The Perpetually Stoned Dude - This guy is such a staple on college campus that he's always represented in any college movie.
The Guy Who Got Here From Prep School - This guy went to a ritzy private school and you didn't. The funny thing is, you both ended up at the same college, but in his universe he still has the right to look down his nose at you. He also thinks that the looks he's getting from girls are admiration for the cut of his sweater, but really it's revulsion.
The Pimp Masta' - This character thinks college is only for picking up bitches. The good news: He'll be gone by next semester. The bad news: Some other idiot with the same idea will replace him.
The Sheltered Child - This is the one whose parents didn't want them exposed to any bad stuff. They've never gotten drunk, or high, or had sex, and frankly they don't want to. They are also the ones who inevitably end up drunk, dead, or knocked up at a fraternity party.
The Dorm Animal - This character is at every dorm party, hangs out in everyone else's dorm room 24/7, and usually can tell you exactly who on campus has drugs/television/cliff notes. Everyone on campus knows him. Nobody, however, can actually remember seeing him in a class.
The Advocate - This character has a cause. The secret to defeating the Advocate is to listen politely for 20 seconds, request whatever material he or she may be handing out, and mumble agreement. If you attempt to walk on by, you will be followed and forced to endure a lengthy diatribe about "the cause". Never, under any circumstances, attempt to engage an advocate in debate about "the cause" because you will never, ever, ever convince them that their viewpoint is wrong and you will be late for your class that starts sometime next week. Potential counterploy: If an advocate is persistent, and of the same sex as you, you can stop them dead by asking them if they would like to continue this discussion over a candelit dinner at your place. Should not be used on gay rights advocates unless that's your thing.
The Somewhat Confused Ex-Goth - The SCEG doesn't know what to do. She gets off on being "out" of the popular crowd, but has discovered that here at college she's below-average on the wierd scale. And everyone who's less wierd is in a sorority now, so she has no clue how to behave. Not being hated by the general masses is confusing, and so she sort of hangs out on dorm room steps waiting for someone to give her s#*$, but nobody ever does because at least 25% of the people on campus are exactly the same.
The Depressed Guy Who's Going To Drop Out Before The End of the Semester
The Foreign Exchange Student
The Girl Who Thinks People Care
The Fat Girl
The Oppressed Minority
Fraternity guys
Sorority girls
Athletes
Involved with everything guy
Those damn girls that jump on their cell phone the second class is over. I swear to god I step out the door from class and 15 girls are yacking away to their boyfriend that they love so very much who is probably with another girl.
Oh yeah, and for college parties there are these types:
The Kegstand King
The Recluse
The Cigarette Bum
The Sneak - Sneaks his way into getting at least one hit of every joint/bowl smoked at a party, sometimes with promises of future repayment.
The Underage Kid - runs away when the campus police come.
The Innocent Girl - doesn't stay innocent for long
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Topic: Chicago Diary (Read 531712 times)