So I've decided to be a chemist.
I am 19 years old and live in Kansas. My name is Jordan. I am a high school dropout. I just enrolled in some community college courses for this next semester.
I recently have been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life, and coming to realize my incredible ignorance and uselessness. For the past three years, I've basically been doing nothing, besides half-reading books and random articles online, and smoking a lot of weed. I have a strong interest in philosophy, and rarely find concepts that stump me, but of what use is that? I had been so satisfied with myself, so convinced that I could do anything (my *online* girlfriend was always ready to confirm that >.<), that I lost all motivation to do anything. (If I know I'm a genius, and don't need anyone else's opinion, then why do anything at all?) Also, I have bipolar disorder which went undiagnosed for a long time, and was very disruptive to my education and general functioning.
I've stopped smoking and drinking completely, and got rid of my online girlfriend, and now I'm making an effort to actually be something. I have no interest in things other than art and science. I was thinking about something artistic, like animation or film making, but I honestly don't think I'm good enough to make a career of that. So, science: I was in the gifted program in school, and was balancing chemical equations in fifth grade and enjoyed it very much, but after that I didn't do anything with it, dropping out before I had the chance to take high school chemistry. I've skimmed through a few textbooks and it is still very interesting to me.
From what I've said, I know I probably don't seem very bright, but I always scored very well on standardized tests, and as I mentioned before, I was in the gifted program, one of the only two in my class of 65. I'm not saying it's that impressive, just that I'm bright enough to do this.
So I'm going to spend my Christmas money on chem supplies and try to teach myself as much as I can, and go to college for it, AND join this forum meet some other chemists and chemistry students who might be able to challenge me and help me clarify my goals.